The more I think about the Great Debate, the more it all feels like bullshit. Not the arguments or positions themselves, but the act of arguing feels senseless. While I never fully understood why atheists feel such a strong need to be so evangelistic--never having been one myself, how could I understand the emotion?-- while Christians are equally evangelistic as mandated by God. Atheism seeks to disprove religion; religion seeks to justify its place as an intellectual endeavor that is not simply supported by blind belief and foolish presupposition. Plenty of evidence exists for both positions. Arguments can be so thoroughly constructed that they will only sway their own subscribers. On some level, I understand the need for Christianity to defend itself. Yet the whole process seems hopeless. Neither side backs down, the debate becomes more heated, and truth is only found in the form of stigmas and perceptions. Atheism is the track of the intellectual elite douches while faith is reserved for the blind, uneducated fools.
Perhaps I am being overwhelmingly cynical. Yet the process still feels as a striving after wind. While it would be great to have all the answers, I realize that all of the answers cannot be found. No one comes to faith except through Christ; Christ brings many to faith simply through the power of his love reaching its pinnacle at the moment of his Great Sacrifice. Where is my place in the bullshit battle? Maybe this is my propensity for lifestyle masochism (like my decision to become a teacher). Maybe this isn't meant for me. Maybe this isn't for me and I should live my life as simply as possible, loving as much as God enables along the way. I suppose only time will tell.
Yet the ache within me remains: I want answers to the questions that I haven't yet thought to ask.
